Cow Hampshire

Is it possible that Paris Hilton’s recent problems are attributable to her family tree?

The photograph shows, left to right, top row: John Wesley Hardin, Jesse
James, Edward “Ned” Kelly; bottom row, Frank James, Paris Hilton, Tom
“Black Jack” Ketchum.
With Paris Hilton’s recent release from jail, my thoughts turn to what led her there in the first place. Psychologists may blame it all on something lacking in her childhood education, or possibly an  irresistable personal urge to self-destruct.

I blame it on the “Six Degrees of Separation” in her bloodline.  Paris’ great-grandmother, Mary Barron, who married Conrad Nicholson Hilton may have passed along a not-so-law-abiding genetic heritage.

For example, did you know that Paris Hilton is…..

—  an eighth cousin 1 time removed from Jesse and Frank James, the notorious armed bank and stage robbers
— an eighth cousin 3 times removed from Edward “Ned” Kelly, reportedly “the most famous Australian cattle rustler and bank robber of the 19th century”
— a ninth cousin 1 time removed from John Wesley Hardin, an outlaw and gunfighter in Texas. He was reported to be “the meanest man alive, once killing a man just for snoring.”
— an eighth cousin 4 times removed from Tom “Black Jack” Ketchum, mainly a train robber and member of the infamous “Hole-In-The-Wall” Gang

Well, now I must admit, not ALL of Paris’ cousins are stage chasers, cow wranglers and desperados.  She is also distantly related to several United States presidents and their wives, famous writers, poets, activists and the like.  But don’t you agree it is much more fun to hear those skeletons rattling in her closet next to her designer gowns?

And as long as I’m pointing fingers, I’ll have to fess up that Paris Hilton and I share a few cousins, and so indeed we are cousins ourselves.  Her notorious Tom Ketchum is also my 5th cousin 3 times removed.

In addition Paris and I also share distant cousin-ship with Katharine Hepburn (American actress), Eugene Delacroix (French artist), Jane Austen (English author), and Nathaniel Hawthorne (American author).

I think that Mae West, Paris Hilton’s 8th cousin, would have given her the following sound advice for the future: “A dame that knows the ropes isn’t likely to get tied up.”

Janice

PS: The family relationships reported above are abstracted from Ancestry.com’s “Find Famous Relatives” beta search, based on Paris Hilton’s believed family tree.  The photograph shows, left to right, top row: John Wesley Hardin, Jesse James, Edward “Ned” Kelly; bottom row, Frank James, Paris Hilton, Tom “Black Jack” Ketchum.

This article does imply that Paris Hilton has led, or ever will lead a life of crime similar to her notorious cousins.

Janice